I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
