Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
