I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
