Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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