Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
