woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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