I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
