Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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