where am i from again
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
