I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
