Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
