and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
