when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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