We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
