just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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