he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
