Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
