I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
