He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
