You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
