I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
