They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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