Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
