the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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