Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
