Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
