I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
