At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In other news, I just burned my penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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