i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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