Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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