I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
