My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
