new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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