just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
