And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
PANTIES FOUND
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