our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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