You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
