The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
