Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
