i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
