Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this hospital has no fireball
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
