So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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