Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
