FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
try to milk me bitch
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