Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
