I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
