What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
