Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
