Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
