Apparently you make a good broom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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